My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
