New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
