Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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