Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize