apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
