you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize