he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
