haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
