i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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