Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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