promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
