remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
