She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
