the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
someone threw a dead crab at me
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
