if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
