I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
