Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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