I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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