Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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