My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
