So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's blow job season.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize