just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
