when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
