i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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