Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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