well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
