Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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