please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
