the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize