fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
