he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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