What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
