All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
