So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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