So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
