And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
