Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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