I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
