I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize