I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I showed him my bush... on skype.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
