why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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