Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
