marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize