it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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