not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize