I could make wine with my vomit
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My vagina is officially offended.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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