I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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