You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
