Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
