found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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