Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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