Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
