you guys were way drunker than both of me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
