she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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