her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
