just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
