We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We had sex on a dog bed..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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