I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
