When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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