he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
