I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
