This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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