are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
