no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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