She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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