i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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