I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
